I am in love with road trips. Winding roads, wind in my hair, music pumping and all the time in the world to enjoy the landscape around me. Whether it is an hour or days of driving, the chance to explore, to travel through unfamiliar locations as we head to a set destination is an experience I would sign up for every day. Gas station stops, that is a whole other story.
It isn’t the fact that many states require you to pump your own gas. I love that. Rather, it is the moment that you step into the convenient store looking for a snack and you get lost in all the options. Salty or sweet? Dairy or pareve? Caffeine or sports drink? The solution? You need a plan and you need someone to have shown you the way in a manner that uniquely speaks to you and your current craving.
In this week’s Parsha, פרשת ויצא, Parshat Vayetzei, we encounter יעקב, Yaakov, who is lost, struggling to find his way and find himself. He stops in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by darkness all around with no protection from the outside world:
וַיִּפְגַּ֨ע בַּמָּק֜וֹם וַיָּ֤לֶן שָׁם֙ כִּי־בָ֣א הַשֶּׁ֔מֶשׁ וַיִּקַּח֙ מֵאַבְנֵ֣י הַמָּק֔וֹם וַיָּ֖שֶׂם מְרַֽאֲשֹׁתָ֑יו וַיִּשְׁכַּ֖ב בַּמָּק֥וֹם הַהֽוּא
And he came to a place and he chose to sleep as the sun had set. He took stones from the place and placed them around his head to sleep in that place - Bereishit 28:11
This was יעקב’s origin story, the turning point in his short life fumbling through the journey his mother devised for him to embark on. יעקב found himself in a moment in his life where the next step was unknown, no path illuminated for him to choose and no one to which he could turn. He was out in the open, vulnerable, unprotected and in severe need for guidance.
This scene is all too familiar to the storylines of ספר בראשית, the Book of Bereishit, and to each of our individual experiences. What did יעקב decide to do in the darkest moment of his life thus far? He chose to express his faith and open his heart, soul, and mind to Hashem:
וַֽיַּחֲלֹ֗ם וְהִנֵּ֤ה סֻלָּם֙ מֻצָּ֣ב אַ֔רְצָה וְרֹאשׁ֖וֹ מַגִּ֣יעַ הַשָּׁמָ֑יְמָה וְהִנֵּה֙ מַלְאֲכֵ֣י אֱלֹהִ֔ים עֹלִ֥ים וְיֹרְדִ֖ים בּֽוֹ׃
וְהִנֵּ֨ה יְהֹוָ֜ה נִצָּ֣ב עָלָיו֮ וַיֹּאמַר֒ אֲנִ֣י יְהֹוָ֗ה אֱלֹהֵי֙ אַבְרָהָ֣ם אָבִ֔יךָ וֵאלֹהֵ֖י יִצְחָ֑ק הָאָ֗רֶץ אֲשֶׁ֤ר אַתָּה֙ שֹׁכֵ֣ב עָלֶ֔יהָ לְךָ֥ אֶתְּנֶ֖נָּה וּלְזַרְעֶֽךָ׃
And he dreamt about a ladder whose base was on land and reached toward the sky and behold the angels of Hashem went up and down. And suddenly, Hashem appeared before him and told him that I am Hashem, the God of Avraham your father, and the God of Yitzchak and the land you are sleeping on will be given to you and your descendants
- Bereishit 28:12-13
The פרשה is begging us to stop and realize that something significant is happening and, more than that, the manner in which יעקב responds is even more astounding. Why was יעקב so lost? He spent years in his grandfather and father’s home, did he not get the guidance from and through their shared experiences to know how to handle this challenge? Additionally, did he really think that a ring of stones was going to protect him from the natural world, the animals, bandits, and other threats to his safety? Something more must be going on here.
Earlier this week, together with a few of our rabbeim and guests from the community, I participated in a panel discussion with our Seniors around תפילה, prayer, and how we relate to it. I shared with our students the constant struggles I face and the active work that I put into connecting to the themes, ideas and relationship that exist within תפילה. I shared the story of my mother and her struggle with congestive heart failure that provides me with a deep and personal understanding of the prayer for health and wellness. I modeled the vulnerability that exists in prayer as an act of faith. Yet, there was one thing that I did not share.
Last week, in פרשת תולדות, Parshat Toldot, we got to see the inner workings of the family that יצחק, Yitzchak, and רבקה, Rivkah, built together. We are left with a scene that יעקב “steals” the blessing that was meant for his brother, עשו, Esav. I find the stories surrounding יעקב and his relationship with his brother, and as a result, the relationship with and between his sons fascinating. How could יצחק not see his children for what they truly were? Did he really believe that עשו was worthy of such a lofty blessing? What was it about רבקה that allowed her to see her children clearly?
ספר בראשית’s main motif is the family and its centrality within Judaism. We see the moments when parents get it right and when they don’t, when educators empower students and when they fail, resulting in the fizzling of the spark within each of us. יעקב was the victim of a family structure where his father, based on the experiences of his childhood, was blinded to the way to connect, inspire and nurture two uniquely different children. As a result and due to the environment he was raised, יעקב was not seen in the manner he desired by his father while his mother saw him with greater clarity. He was misunderstood and, as a result, misguided.
What were the results? A יעקב who is devoid of a sense of self, unsure of who he is and what his future has in store. He is both physically and emotionally seeped in darkness. While the emotional baggage followed him as he navigated his own family structure, it was his decision to turn to Hashem that provided him the nurturing presence in his life to rekindle the possibilities within.
We are being called upon to realize that each point of contact with our children, our learners, and our teachers is one that possesses the potential to support growth or extinguish a flame. Each decision we make, the language we use, and how we prioritize spending our time is another communication to our children. They are ALWAYS learning from us. Yes, it is daunting. Yes, we need help and guidance to get it right. Yes, we need to turn to Hashem for guidance.
The late Sir Ken Robinson said it best in the foreword to his final book Imagine If…Creating A Future For Us All:
“Imagine if we used our incredible capacities to create a world where every person had a deep understanding of their own unique talents. Imagine if we built systems that lifted us up instead of keeping us down. Imagine if we embraced our diversities rather than running from them. We have come to a point in our history in which continuing to do what we have always done is no longer an option. We must do better. It begins, as it always does, with each of us taking a stand.”
Sir Ken Robinson, we are all listening and RMBA is imagining the world Hashem and you have wished for. What I did not share with our Seniors is that we need to nurture environments where our students can be their truest selves, where their internal beauty and flame can be nurtured, cared for and allowed to flourish. This requires real work, honest self reflection and designing our educational and Jewish communal environments to support this growth. Those environments will nurture the space for our students to find their individual connection to Hashem, inspire their religious expressions and allow them to see their role in our larger story.
Sir Ken Robinson, we hope we make you proud.